Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Story Time, Kids!

Once upon a time, there was a man named Jeffrey McGain. McGain was a kind-hearted, caring man. He always thought of others before himself. Once, he won the lottery, and as he gleefully strutted home after receiving the 1.8 million dollars, he passed a hobo lying on the side of the road. He politely woke up the homeless man and handed him 2,000 dollars, patted him on the back, and continued his treck home. Jeffrey then passed a large sum of money to any needy person he met until he finally reached his house.

Another time, he skipped his wedding to save an old lady from a house fire. He had seen smoke and an orange glow rising from a small house while driving to the church in which he was to get married. Instinctively, he hopped from his car and ran into the colonial style home. Luckily, the only person in the building was the old lady, and she was sleeping on the first floor while the fire had started upstairs. Rushing the eldlerly woman from her home, he phoned 911 with his Blackberry.

Once Jeffrey had volunteered to drive a school bus after the original driver's wife had to go to a hospital. A few weeks later, he had climbed a tree to save a cat, which made him late for work. McGain's list of good deeds goes on and on. He hadn't gained muc hrespect nor many rewards for all his kindness, until one fateful winter day.

The date was January 3rd. Cold tufts of snow drifted from the dark grey clouds that smothered the sky. Dim moonlight shimmered through the few cracks in the blanket of clouds, lighting up only a few spots on Earth.

McGain had just left a party that he had thrown his brother for his brother's birthday. Though he was the last to leave the celebration and it was past midnight, he still felt cheerful. He was walking home in the cold when he noticed something glimmering in an open trashcan in an alleyway. Curiously, he stepped into the alleyway and stared into the trashcan.

What Jeffrey saw stunned him. It was a bright golden lamp, the kind a genie was supposed to reside in. He lifted the object out, heedless to the stench and filth that engulfed it. Turning it over and over in his gloved hands, he thought he saw something engraved in one side, but it was completely covered in grime. That was when he made a mistake. He tried wiping off the dirt, and he rubbed the side of the lamp.

The thing became bitilng hot in McGain's hands, and he dropped it into the snow. The lamp glowed bright orange before exploding. As the mist cleared, Jeffrey saw a strange being. It seemed humanoid, but there was something odd about it. Its skin was neon blue, like all the blue signs above casinos in Las Vegas.

As McGain stared in awe, the azul figure boomed, "I am the great Genie. I will grant you one wish, and one wish only."

Jeffrey sat gaping at the Genie, with nothing to say. For a second, he thought he had gone insane.

"Hurry, fool," roared the Genie. "I have waited eons for someone like you to find me. Make a wish so I may finally be free!"

Jeffrey blinked, and, with his voice a bit far off, said, "I wish for all pain, misery,hate, and chaos to disappear forever."

"And so it is," said the Genie, and with a snap of his fingers, everything disappeared, except Jeffrey McGain. There really was nothing. Nothing but an endless, white void and Jeffrey.

And so Jeffrey walked. And walked. And walked. And still he found nothing. All that was left was a plain white hallway that stretched on forever. Jeffrey thought he should be sad, or angry, or depressed, but he felt nothing.

One day, or month, or year (time had as well disappeared), Jeffrey came across the Genie. The Genie was sitting cross legged on the floor, and he grinned maniacally at Jeffrey.

"What have you done? Where is everything? Why am i trapped in this place? Why can't I feel any amount of sadness or anger?"

"The question is, what have you done, Jeffrey. This was your wish: that all pain and misery disappear. And so it has." The genie's smile grew even wider.

"But....but..." McGain stammered.

"Goodbye," said the Genie, completely ignoring Jeffrey. "I am off to a better place, another universe."

"Take me with you!" screamed Mcgain. But it was too late. The Genie was gone in a shower of dust.

So Jeffrey McGain walked and walked. He walked until his feet bled, and kept walking. He could not feel pain. He tried to cry about his losses, but could not. He could not feel misery. He tried to be angry with the Genie for what he had done, but could not. He could not hate. Nothing mattered anymore.

He went insane, ranting to himself. Somehow, the Genie had forgotten the part about chaos.