Chicken Invasion

The chickens are on a mission to wipe out the entire human race.

They have started with door-knob-eating-carpet-licker.

Well, he's not dead yet, but they have mortally wounded him.

See, I know the chickens' plans. Yeah, that's right, for all you chickens out there: I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO!!

Yeah, see, they began the war by sending out scouts. Metal lawn ornament roosters. Yep. They put a dozen roosters in every Wal-Mart across the globe, hoping that we foolish humans would buy every one.

And, sadly, they fooled me. My family and I bought one to put in our yard, heedless of the terrible things that would be caused by the act.

So, for a while, we left that metal lawn-rooster alone. But then we gave him a ridiculous name: Drumstick. He's secretly despised ever since the day that we gave him that name. He just sat in our yard, scheming ways to murder us.

And, finally, it happened. Door-knob-eating-carpet-licker came to my house.

That evil steel rooster had its revenge. It showed no mercy, ripping the flesh from Door-knob-eating-carpet-licker's nose. Blood stained the snow, painting it a beautiful crimson shade.

Door-knob-eating-carpet-licker's scream echoed throughout the town. If you heard somebody screaming in agony on Saturday, December 20th, it was him.

We tried to nurse his wound, but to no avail. He perished that night. Oh, wait, no he didn't.

Anyway, he was the first victim of the chickens. Prepare yourselves for an oncoming attack. After the metal rooster scouts have weakened us, the full invasion will begin. Our world will slowly die, until the chickens rule. In a few days, the news will have story after miserable story of the foul fowls' attacks.

Your only hope is to crawl to the corner of the room, curl up into a fetal position, suck your thumb, and cry like a helpless baby.

Goodbye cruel world! All hail the chickens!

Visit SMUR for door-knob-eating-carpet-licker's side of the story (Evil Rooster).